Lockdown

 What a year it has been. I’ve always intended for this blog post to document the significant events in my life, and quite frankly, I’m now going to count Lockdown as one of them. All through Lockdown 1.0, I debated about whether to write a blog post or not. I wanted to document it, so that I could look back on it, but the truth is – I actually liked Lockdown 1.0. It was sunny, Anthony was home all the time (we usually work opposite shifts), I was employed, and working from home really suited my lifestyle (who doesn’t want to be outside with a Pimms in hand literally 20 seconds after finishing work?!). I wanted to write about it, but I was so conscious of all the people in the country (in the world really!) who were struggling. And my thoughts absolutely went out to them. I was happy, but there was a constant dark cloud hanging over us, knowing what a lot of people were going through. The NHS workers who were not only working, but also having to work a million times harder over longer hours. The businesses that went bust, and consequently the people who lost their jobs. The victims now locked in a house with their abuser. Not to mention, the people who died from Covid, or the people who lost a loved one and could only say goodbye over Facetime. The last thing I wanted to do was be insensitive by posting about how happy I was, even though the intention was to bring positivity.

 

The period between Lockdown 1.0 and Lockdown 2.0 was even better. It was still sunny, Anthony was back at work (and as happy as we were, we were actually really glad to get some time to be independent!) and we could see family. Not to mention the half price meals! Things seemed to be getting better – social media was a lot more positive; people were getting some semblance of normality in their lives again. Stevenage also had one of the lowest R rates in the country, so I felt fairly safe leaving the house.

 

Then came the dreaded Government Press Conference. We were going back into Lockdown. Lockdown 2.0. Supposedly, only a month, but who knows. We were prepared for the announcement, but we weren’t prepared for how different this one would feel. Everyone I’ve spoken to has felt the same – there’s just a relentless sense of deflation and despair. Personally, again, I have been exceptionally lucky in my personal circumstances. But I am just so sad for so many people. More people losing their jobs. More people locked in their house in an unhappy/unsafe situation. More people catching the virus and getting seriously ill. Mental health is a such a massive and important thing – I consider myself to have extremely resilient mental health, but even I’ve felt low this time around. If you are struggling, my thoughts are absolutely with you, and please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. If you don’t feel you can speak to family or friends, then look into which organisations can help you. Mind and Samaritans are the two that pop straight to mind – there is always someone who will listen.

 

I don’t want this post to be doom and gloom, but I just wanted to put it out there that you are not alone if you’re feeling down. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed or afraid to reach out for help – we are all just doing what we can to get by. The change in season I’ve personally found to be a massive contributing factor to this time around feeling harder. And unfortunately, there is not much we can do about that! So just make sure you take the time to do the things that help to make you feel good – whatever that is! For me, I’ve found a lot of joy from watching Gogglebox (there are loads of episodes on All 4). Some days I’ve baked. Most days I have cooked something I love (normally pasta, and normally with a gin/wine/prosecco on the go – sometimes all three!) I speak to friends and family a lot, but some days the thought of speaking to anyone fills me with dread because I just can’t be bothered. I’ve been fairly active – been for a few walks, and danced a lot! But some days I don’t even get dressed, and the most moving I’ll do is from the bed to the sofa. Maybe downstairs to pick up the takeaway that’s been delivered because I can’t face cooking. Some days, I watch the saddest show in the world and don’t even shed a tear. Other days, I’m sobbing because my favourite pjs are in the wash. It varies day to day, and that’s absolutely fine.

 

Who knows what is going to happen over the next few days/weeks/months. There was news today about a vaccine being close, so that’s positive! But honestly, I’ve found the best way to get through is to not get my hopes up about anything long term, and just focus on the day to day. Allow yourself to be emotional, but try not to let it consume you. There’s no point worrying about what might/might not happen (but don’t worry if you can’t help but be anxious about it – it’s a very unsettling time and your feelings are totally valid!).

 

I hope you’re all ok – it’s a very weird time, so don’t be too hard on yourself! We are all in this together.

 

Until next time!

 

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