Pregnant or Period?

 Hello again! 

Yet another blog for you! I wanted to give an update to my coming off the pill (it’s now been 3 months but I’m definitely still adjusting) and I’ve also got a story for you about how I absolutely convinced myself I was pregnant this month (spoiler alert, I wasn’t). This blog post will definitely involve TMI again, but let’s face it, you know what you’re in for with my blogs by now. The bottom line of this blog post is that the female body is both miraculous, horrific, amazing, disgusting, and very very complicated!

So, as I said, it’s now three months since I’ve come off the pill, and although the extreme symptoms have reduced (fire nips RIP), I am definitely still adjusting. Whether that is due to the “withdrawal” of the hormones (how dramatic) or me just learning what a natural body is like again, who knows! But it is definitely not just a one-month journey. 

So let’s start with the story, and then I’ll summarise some of the symptoms and issues I’ve experienced. As I mentioned in my last pill related blog post, I am tracking ovulation for a variety of reasons (not because we’re trying for a baby before anyone gets excited!). I ovulated as normal this month, on cycle day 18. Had all the normal ovulation symptoms, bloating, sore boobs, minor cramping, and a positive ovulation test to confirm it. Normally after I’ve ovulated, my symptoms then disappear until my period, when I get the usual period symptoms.

This did not happen this month. My boobs continued to get sorer (and to my dismay, fire nips returned!), my sense of smell changed, my bloating didn’t seem to go down, my body temperature seemed slightly higher than normal, and I felt really tired all the time. On top of that, my emotions were going CRAZY. I was crying at everything. More than normal and for absolutely no reason. So I’m sure you’ve worked out by now, but I convinced myself that I was pregnant. Not from the ovulation I had just had, I know it doesn’t happen that quickly! But I convinced myself that I got pregnant just before my last period (unlikely but not impossible!), and that I was now 5-6 weeks pregnant. This came to an absolute head when on Tuesday night, I was getting waves of nausea on top of the other symptoms (in hindsight, that will have been caused by the massive amount of Chinese food I had just scoffed).

I’d tried to put it to the back of my mind because I knew how unlikely it was, but by Tuesday I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I was chatting to a friend about it (who has also had pregnancy scares in the past) and how I’d been so paranoid and it was getting worse, and she suggested to just a do test, and that way I would know either way, and at least I’d have piece of mind. I was going to order a bunch of tests on Amazon using Anthony’s prime account, but I literally couldn’t wait – it was driving me mad. Cue a late-night trip to Sainsburys!

I’d told Anthony a few days ago about my concerns, so when I told him I was going to get a test, he was so supportive. He insisted on coming with me, he helped me choose the test. Plied me with water to help me pee (honestly never needed a wee less – I ended up doing star jumps to try and get my bladder going! So ridiculous). He was patient while he waited for me to be ready to take the test, and he set the timer for the 3-minute wait. He also wanted to be there when the result was ready, but when I told him that selfishly, I would like to find out alone and then tell him, he was so amazing and totally understood. 

Obviously, the test was negative – we both knew deep down but I needed the confirmation. That should have been it – the test was SO clearly negative, there was absolutely no doubt. And as I mentioned earlier, if I was pregnant, I would have been 5-6 weeks which means a test would definitely pick it up by then! However, the symptoms continued, and I was so lost as to what was causing them. Google didn’t help – Google was convinced I was pregnant. I’d even asked about long-term symptoms for coming off the pill – there was NOTHING on the internet that helped.

So the funny part of this story… turns out that my pregnancy symptoms were just PMS. I went to take another test on Friday morning, and was instead greeted with Mother Nature’s confirmation that I was definitely not pregnant! 

From the moment my period started, all the other symptoms disappeared. Obviously, I stayed bloated and emotional, but that now made sense. But the sore boobs disappeared, the nausea went – my “weird” symptoms were now just full-blown period symptoms. 

I wanted to write this post, as firstly, I know SO many women who have thought they were pregnant when they weren’t. I am learning currently more than ever to appreciate how complicated the female body is. It’s been so long since I had a proper period (10 years!) that I had genuinely forgotten what my PMS symptoms were. And I’d never noticed how similar ovulation, period, and pregnancy symptoms are!! It’s no wonder that women have no idea half the time if they’re coming or going!

I did a bit more digging on the internet once I knew I wasn’t pregnant, to try and work out what the symptoms I had between ovulation and period were. So the science actually suggests that once you ovulate, your progesterone remains at a set level (higher than normal) until you either have your period (then it drops to normal) or you’re pregnant (it increases, and you get your pregnancy symptoms). This explains why my boobs stayed sore, and my emotions were more unstable than usual. It doesn’t explain why this didn’t happen the previous 2 months, but I’m assuming that’s part of my body still adjusting! I don’t know whether this will be the case going forward, but at least I’ll be prepared this time and not spend a solid 2 weeks convinced I’m pregnant.

In terms of other symptoms/issues since coming off the pill, unfortunately I was not prepared for how bad my periods would be. I don’t want that to scare anyone who’s thinking about coming off, but I wish I’d been a bit more prepared. I had forgotten how bad my periods were as a teenager (very heavy and really bad cramps) – I think in my head I had put that down to the fact that I was a teenager with wild hormones, and that my periods got easier because I got older. But I think with hindsight, they actually got easier because I went on the pill (that was one of the reasons I went on it in the first place!). I’ve been absolutely useless this weekend, rendered pretty much incapacitated by my cramps – painkillers and hot water bottles being supplied on demand by my incredibly understanding husband! But unfortunately, they’re not really helping. We did manage to get out for a 7 mile walk today (had to stop for a chocolate cookie fix!), but I sat and cried in the shower for 10 minutes when we got back because the pain was so bad!

So my periods are hell, but I do feel very grateful that my reproductive system appears to be working exactly as it should. My first 2 cycles coming off the pill were 30 days, but this month was 28, which is what it should be. Obviously I know this is not confirmation that when I come to try for a baby it will work immediately, but I’m definitely assured by the fact that I seem to have a regular cycle (even if it is genuinely horrific for 4 days a month!)

That’s all I have for this post – the female body just absolutely blows my mind. We are very complicated creatures! I just wanted to share my “pregnancy scare” (I hate that term) in case it helps anyone else who’s worried currently – it’s probably just your normal cycle! But if you are concerned, get a test just so you at least have piece of mind. I’ve since ordered some cheap paper tests to keep in the cupboard, but now that I have a much better understanding of how my body works, hopefully they won’t be needed for a while.

That’s all for now, hopefully there will be another post coming soon!

Much love,

x

Lockdown

 What a year it has been. I’ve always intended for this blog post to document the significant events in my life, and quite frankly, I’m now going to count Lockdown as one of them. All through Lockdown 1.0, I debated about whether to write a blog post or not. I wanted to document it, so that I could look back on it, but the truth is – I actually liked Lockdown 1.0. It was sunny, Anthony was home all the time (we usually work opposite shifts), I was employed, and working from home really suited my lifestyle (who doesn’t want to be outside with a Pimms in hand literally 20 seconds after finishing work?!). I wanted to write about it, but I was so conscious of all the people in the country (in the world really!) who were struggling. And my thoughts absolutely went out to them. I was happy, but there was a constant dark cloud hanging over us, knowing what a lot of people were going through. The NHS workers who were not only working, but also having to work a million times harder over longer hours. The businesses that went bust, and consequently the people who lost their jobs. The victims now locked in a house with their abuser. Not to mention, the people who died from Covid, or the people who lost a loved one and could only say goodbye over Facetime. The last thing I wanted to do was be insensitive by posting about how happy I was, even though the intention was to bring positivity.

 

The period between Lockdown 1.0 and Lockdown 2.0 was even better. It was still sunny, Anthony was back at work (and as happy as we were, we were actually really glad to get some time to be independent!) and we could see family. Not to mention the half price meals! Things seemed to be getting better – social media was a lot more positive; people were getting some semblance of normality in their lives again. Stevenage also had one of the lowest R rates in the country, so I felt fairly safe leaving the house.

 

Then came the dreaded Government Press Conference. We were going back into Lockdown. Lockdown 2.0. Supposedly, only a month, but who knows. We were prepared for the announcement, but we weren’t prepared for how different this one would feel. Everyone I’ve spoken to has felt the same – there’s just a relentless sense of deflation and despair. Personally, again, I have been exceptionally lucky in my personal circumstances. But I am just so sad for so many people. More people losing their jobs. More people locked in their house in an unhappy/unsafe situation. More people catching the virus and getting seriously ill. Mental health is a such a massive and important thing – I consider myself to have extremely resilient mental health, but even I’ve felt low this time around. If you are struggling, my thoughts are absolutely with you, and please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. If you don’t feel you can speak to family or friends, then look into which organisations can help you. Mind and Samaritans are the two that pop straight to mind – there is always someone who will listen.

 

I don’t want this post to be doom and gloom, but I just wanted to put it out there that you are not alone if you’re feeling down. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed or afraid to reach out for help – we are all just doing what we can to get by. The change in season I’ve personally found to be a massive contributing factor to this time around feeling harder. And unfortunately, there is not much we can do about that! So just make sure you take the time to do the things that help to make you feel good – whatever that is! For me, I’ve found a lot of joy from watching Gogglebox (there are loads of episodes on All 4). Some days I’ve baked. Most days I have cooked something I love (normally pasta, and normally with a gin/wine/prosecco on the go – sometimes all three!) I speak to friends and family a lot, but some days the thought of speaking to anyone fills me with dread because I just can’t be bothered. I’ve been fairly active – been for a few walks, and danced a lot! But some days I don’t even get dressed, and the most moving I’ll do is from the bed to the sofa. Maybe downstairs to pick up the takeaway that’s been delivered because I can’t face cooking. Some days, I watch the saddest show in the world and don’t even shed a tear. Other days, I’m sobbing because my favourite pjs are in the wash. It varies day to day, and that’s absolutely fine.

 

Who knows what is going to happen over the next few days/weeks/months. There was news today about a vaccine being close, so that’s positive! But honestly, I’ve found the best way to get through is to not get my hopes up about anything long term, and just focus on the day to day. Allow yourself to be emotional, but try not to let it consume you. There’s no point worrying about what might/might not happen (but don’t worry if you can’t help but be anxious about it – it’s a very unsettling time and your feelings are totally valid!).

 

I hope you’re all ok – it’s a very weird time, so don’t be too hard on yourself! We are all in this together.

 

Until next time!

 

X