The final post from Miss Gaunt!

Hello!

So this is the last blog post before I become Mrs Holmes. We have 12 days left, and I just wanted to give a brief update on how we’re feeling, what’s going on and what we have planned for the future.

In terms of planning, I think we’re pretty much there! We’ve ordered the sweets for our favours, so will need to assemble them the day before the wedding, but other than that, everything is sorted. I’ve had my final dress fitting, Anthony has picked up his suit, the rings are ready to go, I’ve reconfirmed with all the vendors, and been over everything with our venue coordinator.  Emotionally, we’re both very happy and excited. People keep asking how we’re feeling, and in truth, I’m so ready to be Anthony’s wife. Any nerves or stress that I’m feeling has nothing to do with the commitment we’re making, it’s purely nerves about things going wrong on the day. Overall I’m in a really positive place. Yes I’m stressed, but it’s only because I care so much about the day, and I want it to be perfect for both me and Anthony.

We’ve got a few days booked off together this week, and we’re taking a short trip to Harrogate, so that we can spend a bit more time together before the wedding. When Anthony initially suggested it I thought it seemed unnecessary and just an added expense, but I’m so glad we’re doing it. Panto finishes today which means I won’t really see Anthony over the next few days. But now that we’ve planned the trip, we can have some nice quality time together. Anthony has also got his stag do on the Friday, so it’s good that he’ll be relaxed and have time to get excited for that.

Plans after the wedding – we are having a Minnie-moon in Disneyland Paris, which I am SO excited for! The day after the wedding, we will be spending the night at the hotel we stayed at on the night we got engaged. It’s also a perfect location, as it is opposite St Pancras, so we’ll only have to cross the road to get to the Eurostar. We’re also seeing Aladdin (as we did the night we got engaged), so it will be a Disney filled week! Our actual honeymoon will be later in the year, and we’re going to go to Italy – currently we’ve agreed that we will go to Trieste, Verona, Venice and Rome.

That’s all I really have to say! Certainly not my longest blog post, but there isn’t much to update on. The long and short of it is that everything is arranged, we’re both very happy, and this time in 12 days we’ll be eating our first meal as a married couple. I’m so excited to be sharing my future with Anthony, and once the excitement and hectic-ness of married life has settled down, I’ll write a post about the day. Now goodbye from Miss Gaunt, for the final time!

Four Weeks Today!

Hello! So today marks the 4 week mark until the wedding… eeee! So many different emotions (all positive!) This blog post is just going to be a catch up on everything that has happened over the last few weeks. My last couple of blogs haven’t been directly related to our wedding plans, so sorry if I repeat anything I’ve already said but it’s been so long since I posted a strictly wedding update that I can’t remember what’s already been covered!

So I guess a good place to start is hen do’s! (Yes I have had multiple, I am needy.) My first one was my work one, and it certainly kicked them off with a bang! The lovely ladies I was celebrating with had planned a Disney theme, so we were pre-drinking to Pocahontas (drink every time someone sings, which it turns out is a fair amount!) while doing a “how well do I know the groom” quiz. I did pretty well but I feel like it was more of a ploy to get me to divulge gossip! But certainly set a great mood for the night. We then went into town, where the girls had planned a scavenger hunt. It was so thoughtful and so well planned, I loved it! Alongside the scavenger hunt, they’d also set some group challenges. Now, me being the competitive person I am, decided to take it on alone. It certainly made for some funny experiences!

The next hen do was a “generic” one – the one that I planned to include people from several social groups, not just work and family. This one was also amazing! We went to London, starting in Dirty Martini, on to Adventure Bar and then ending in Loop. In Dirty Martini, I gave the girls some activity sheets, such as pick my something blue etc., and a guess the wedding details game. Going through them the day after certainly made the hangover easier, they were hilarious! We also did some Hen Do Dares in Loop Bar, which I’m sure were funny, if I could remember them… I’m very thankful to the girls for looking after me, especially Alex who trekked through London at 2am to find a subway for me (McDonalds was closed), even though she knew full well that I would have passed out by the time she got back! (Don’t worry, I ate it the next day, I never waste food!) And then this weekend I’ve got my final hen do, a spa break with my family, which I’m very excited for!

One of the other exciting things that have happened over the past few weeks is I’ve had my dress fitting after the alterations! Obviously there will be no photos here, but the experience was so phenomenal. I didn’t want to voice it, but I was having serious doubts about my dress. It was someone else who picked it out for me (I can’t remember if it was a family member or the shop owner), and although I loved it when I tried it, it was a risk because I didn’t know what it would look like in the right size (the store one was a size 8 so didn’t even fit slightly!). I was excited for the next fitting, but it still didn’t look good. Even the fitting after that, once the seamstress had pinned it I still didn’t feel that it accentuated my shape the right way. I was starting to really panic – you can’t return wedding dresses, and it wasn’t cheap! There was also the issue that it was too late to order another dress, so the chances of me finding the perfect one at this point were basically zero. So I just started to prepare myself to learn to like it; I took a risk and maybe it didn’t pay off.

Then we went for the next fitting. I never anticipated that my opinion could change so much, but my dress is PERFECT! There are several factors that will have influenced this; I’d lost a decent amount of weight, I was in a good mood and the seamstress had actually taken the dress in slightly more than she intended, which massively worked in my favour because in my opinion she hadn’t originally pinned it tight enough to show off my waist! The way it fits now is really tight but in a secure way, it’s not uncomfortable at all and there are no unflattering bulges. There is a tiny bit of room for me to lose weight if I choose to, but absolutely zero room for weight gain, which is amazing because it will keep me on track.

We’ve also sorted a lot of the smaller things. I’ve been getting really stressed by the fact that there is still (what feels like) a lot to do, even though I’ve been calming myself by reminding myself that if we did nothing between now and the wedding, it would still be an amazing day. The small things are what make our day individual, so are really important to us. Last night, I had a massive organising session, ordered some stuff, paid for some of the other stuff we’d booked, and we’re now at the stage where pretty much all we need to do are the order of service and favours.

I’ve also been writing in a journal that my friend got me for secret Santa (it’s so beautiful!). I’ve been using it as a 50 day countdown, not writing in it every day but updating it whenever there is a change of mood, we’ve sorted something or I need some time to offload any worries. I love writing these blogs, but there are some things that I feel need to be private, particularly at this stage! I feel like it’s been a really healthy way to offload and keep my emotions in check (well, reasonably…) so that me and Anthony don’t end up with tension between us.

I guess I’ll finish this blog the way I finish most of them, by singing Anthony’s praises. As I’ve mentioned, the last month has been really really stressful with planning, and both of us having full time jobs. It also means that the limited time we have to plan the wedding together, we’re both knackered, and so sometimes we get a little bit short with each other. A couple of nights ago we got really bogged down in it all and were snapping at each other, so we decided to just end the planning there for the night. But what was amazing was that we came back together about 3 minutes later, gave each other a hug and apologised, and then spent the evening cuddling. I know that a lot of relationships fail in the engagement period, and I understand why, because it is really tough! But I feel like we’re stronger than ever, and so much more in love than ever. I haven’t had a single doubt or worry about actually being married, all of my concerns have been about the day.

So overall, how am I feeling? Still pretty stressed, and VERY emotional – I’ve cried the last 4 days on my way into work because I was stuck in traffic and thinking about the wedding. Happy tears, I’d like to add! I’m also now getting butterflies whenever I think about it, which I think is a mixture of nerves and definitely excitement. I’m also ridiculously happy, I feel like I’m glowing (not a pregnancy glow!). I just cannot wait for the big day to be here and to finally be Anthony’s wife.

Marrying into Catholicism

Hi guys! 

So this is a blog post that I’ve been intending to write pretty much since getting engaged, and I think it’s actually really important to talk about. It’s also going to be a difficult one to write, because I desperately don’t want to disrespect or miscommunicate some of my feelings towards my relationship with Catholicism. Therefore it’ll probably be very wordy, so I apologise in advance!

I feel that the best place to start is to give you an overview of my religious background, and my beliefs. I was christened as a baby (C of E), but have never really been raised with any religious views. I don’t wish to speak on behalf of my parents but I don’t think either of them are strong believers of God (though I know mum was raised in a relatively religious household as a child). It was always something in our family that we can explore if we want to, but nothing was ever forced upon us; it was always our choice. It was something I gave some thought to initially in late primary school as I started learning things in RE. At that time, I decided that I was agnostic; quite frankly, the whole thing was a bit confusing for me! In secondary school, I became very interested in science, and my way of thinking became much more rational, in the sense of desiring proof to explain certain things. Obviously there has always been the science vs faith debate – one of my favourite songs actually pays tribute to it! (Science and Faith by The Script, check it out if you’ve never heard it!) So secondary school led to me deciding that I don’t believe in God (I was never a strong believer so it wasn’t a milestone moment), mainly due to proof of evolution, lack of proof from bible stories, and the horrors of the world, which didn’t seem possible to me if there was an all-loving God.

However, I don’t believe that there is nothing. I believe in a version of “Heaven”, where all our loved ones go (I’ve never considered if there is a “Hell” in my beliefs as I’m fairly sure none of my family would be there!). In this “Heaven”, they look out for us (I guess in the way that Christians believe God does.) This was a belief that stemmed primarily from the loss of my Nanny when I was a young teenager; I’d often speak to her at times, tell her about my life, and talk about the things that I wanted to happen in the future – I guess in a way I prayed to her? She was a massive comfort to me in times of trouble, and as stupid as it sounds, a lot of the stuff I “asked” her to help me with, came true. I’m sure that there are plenty of flaws in this belief, and it’s probably not real but it’s comforting feeling that the loved ones I’ve lost are still around, watching over me. 

So that in a nutshell is what I believe – essentially, our own family members and close friends play the role that Christians believe God does. And while my upbringing didn’t really have any religious elements, Anthony’s certainly did. His father is C of E, and his paternal grandfather is actually a C of E vicar. His mother’s family are Roman Catholic, and this is the religion in which he and his older brother were raised. They regularly attended church, they went to a Catholic primary school, and they served at the altar at their church. Anthony’s religion is really important to him, and that’s something that I’m really proud of; but it is something which in the early stages of our relationship troubled me.

Let me just make clear here that I’ve always been really respectful of other people’s religious beliefs, whether they are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, anything! Just because I don’t believe in it doesn’t mean it’s not important to someone else. But it is also something that I rarely had to think about, as I didn’t really know many religious people. It was something I didn’t really understand, and didn’t really need to know, so was easier to just not worry about it. Then of course I met Anthony, and it was soon apparent to me how much his religion meant to him. Now please don’t get me wrong, his religion never put me off him as a person. It just concerned me and made me slightly uncomfortable because I was extremely uneducated in what Catholicism is, and how I would fit into his life while not sharing his beliefs – it didn’t seem possible to me. 

Anthony has always been incredible with me and my lack of religion. He has never forced me to believe in anything, never asked me to become Catholic, never pushed me away because I don’t share his belief; he’s just loved and respected me as the person I am. He’s patiently educated me about Catholicism but only when I’ve asked about it; he’s never forced knowledge onto me, and never scoffed when I haven’t understood what he’s talking about. He’s been so respectful of my lack of faith, just as I have been with his relationship with Catholicism. His parents have also been amazing; when I met them for the first time, I was worried that they wouldn’t approve of me because I wasn’t Catholic (which seems ridiculous knowing them now because they are the loveliest people!) but it was never even a slight issue!

There has never been a time that I wished Anthony wasn’t Catholic; though there were times I was annoyed about some of the “impracticalities” it caused, particularly earlier in our relationship. A prime example is me not being able to see him on Sunday mornings (bear in mind we were at school when we first got together and we lived a 45 minute drive from each other, so could only really see each other at weekends, especially before we could drive!). But these feelings of annoyance eased very quickly, as I got to see how part of the reason he’s who he is today is because of his religion. I very quickly stopped worrying about the effect that his religion would have on our relationship, and instead delved into sharing it with him; learning his views and beliefs, why it is so important to him and how it shaped him as a person. 

I think deep down, we always knew we were going to get married, but obviously it didn’t really become a reality until about 6 months after we started living together. At this point, I felt that I had to give thought again to my feelings about Catholicism. I couldn’t see it being a dealbreaker, but it was definitely something I had to consider; would it be an issue later in life? As I mentioned earlier, up to this point we only really spoke about it when I wanted to, and it didn’t really have much to do with our relationship; his belief was his own personal thing. But I knew that once we married, even though I don’t have to become a Catholic, it will have a much more significant impact on my life. I don’t think I felt emotionally ready to face that, and I think in truth a lot of that was because I was embarrassed that I still felt like I didn’t know anything about Catholicism! So it was something that I pushed to the back of my mind, and I focused more on the superficial elements of what getting engaged would be like, like the ring and the wedding dress. 

Almost a year after these initial considerations of life with a Catholic husband, Anthony popped the question. It was the best moment of my life, I don’t think I’ll ever have a feeling like it. The love that you feel in that moment in indescribable. But a week or so later, once the initial excitement had died down slightly, the religious thoughts came back to the forefront of my mind. I knew that I had to speak to Anthony about it, because there was absolutely zero doubt in my mind that I wanted to marry him, but I definitely needed more understanding about Catholicism and what my role would be within it. As ever, he was incredible. Obviously he’s never been married before either, so the notion of a Catholic wedding was relatively new ground for both of us. But he was able to provide some insight into what would be expected in a Catholic marriage. We spoke very frankly and honestly about how we felt about each element, and our thoughts and feelings aligned perfectly. I can’t explain what a relief this was! And from that moment on, I felt so much more comfortable about Catholicism than I ever had before, and chose to make the huge step to go to church with Anthony. I’ve always felt uncomfortable in churches; I feel almost like a hypocrite being there. But we went along, and Anthony was (again!) amazing. He constantly checked I was ok, told me when to stand, when to kneel, what I do and don’t have to take part in (e.g. communion), and just made the whole experience so easy for me. 

We went to meet the priest after Mass and Anthony introduced me as his fiancée (it was a bit of an eeeee! moment as I hadn’t heard him call me that before!). I wasn’t expecting the priest to judge me as such, but I was unsure (as I had been with his parents) about whether he would disapprove of Anthony marrying a non-Catholic who is not willing to convert to become a Catholic myself. But not only was there no judgement, but also no pressure; just a happiness to meet me and welcome me to the church. We’ve been to church together several times since, and he is always so welcoming and so friendly! He has also made this whole journey so much easier for me.

We’ve also been to Anthony’s home church in East Hendred (where we’re getting married) together a few times. It was really reassuring when we had the order of service discussion with Father Andrew (the priest marrying us). He explained what sort of things are expected in a catholic marriage and when he asked if I was planning to convert, I was nervous saying no, but again, there was no judgement. On Christmas Eve he also took the time to come and find me personally after the service to say it was good to see me. We’ve also finished our online Marriage Prep course, with mixed results! But generally I think it’s been a good thing for us. 

So within less than a year, I’ve gone from someone who was always respectful of Catholicism but had no desire to be a part of it, to someone who is actually incredibly proud to be marrying into it. My beliefs haven’t changed, and I don’t see myself ever being a Catholic, but I’m so happy that my husband will be, as will our children. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster (though not really with any downs as such, just a few spirals), but I feel that the personal growth I’ve made during the journey to better understand Catholicism is really special. Also the desire for it to be a part of my life (not just willingness as I always thought it would be, but actual desire!) – That’s something that I never ever thought I’d be saying!

Anthony obviously gets a lot of credit for this, as does Father Danny (our local priest), and also Anthony’s parents. The wedding is almost 2 months away now, and I just feel so delighted that I actually want to get married in a Catholic church! It’s been a really special journey.