Anyway, got a bit side-tracked (but isn't she beautiful!!). It's been almost three months since we got married and it's given me time to settle in to married life and reflect on the differences/similarities between my life now and my life before we got married. Particularly focusing on the time we were engaged. I feel like I never really fully appreciated being a bride; I think that's one of the things about getting married so young, it doesn't feel real. Maybe that's a generic thing, but I think for me, age was one of the things that held me back, particularly as people always seemed to think it was appropriate to tell me I was too young to get married! (Even people I'd never spoken to before!). I've never had any doubts about getting married at the time we did; I don't think age matters, it's more about the time you've spent together and emotional maturity. We were 100% ready to get married when we did and I wouldn't have changed it for a thing.
So on with the post; I'm going to list the things that I miss most about being a bride, and then the things that I love the most about being married. So, bridal things that I miss...
- Dress fittings. I LOVED all my dress fittings! I almost drive past my dress shop on my way to work, and every time, I want to make the turn into the road! The wedding dress shopping experience in The Wedding Gallery was amazing, as was the bridesmaid dress shopping and I just absolutely loved it there! And it only very recently hit me that I will never go wedding dress shopping for myself again, and I actually found that really upsetting. It's so superficial but putting those dresses on - even with it feeling super surreal! - was so much fun and made me feel so good. And even though the occasions to wear nice dresses will keep coming (other people's weddings, Christenings, parties etc.), I will never ever wear such a special dress again. Anthony will definitely come home one day and catch me just chilling on the sofa in my dress, drinking gin. I'm not even ashamed haha.
- The countdown. As stressful and upsetting as the countdown could be, it was so nice being able to get so excited about the day getting closer. We've currently got a countdown going for our honeymoon (22 days!) but after that, we don't have many fixed events coming up. Please don't think I'm not excited for our future because I definitely am! We've got some really exciting plans coming up, but as they don't have a fixed date, there is no countdown and I find it harder to throw myself into the excitement and the planning. And on that note...
- The planning! I LOVED planning the wedding! And I loved how much of a partnership we were; it's such a common thing for the groom to take a backseat but Anthony was so involved in it! It was such a special experience planning together, and I do genuinely miss it. I considered it as a career move, but currently we're too close to our wedding and I'm still bathing in the glow from that, so can't be dealing with the stress of planning a strangers wedding right now.
- The venue. I mean, I think I've spoken enough about this throughout the blog posts. Milton Hill House, amazing, the end. I can't wait to go back for any occasion!
- The word fiancé! Again, as part of the whole experience not feeling real, I didn't call Anthony my fiancé nearly enough. It was the same when we first got together - I think it took about a year before I stopped describing him as my "friend" and started saying "boyfriend!" So I have not made that mistake again, I am name-dropping "husband" left, right and centre. But husband makes us sound so old! Haha, fiancé is much more young and fun and I wish I'd owned that more.
So that all seems doom and gloom, but I promise it's not all negatives! Here's the things that I love most about being a wife:
- My name. Whenever I write/say my full name now, I feel so proud. It took a while to adjust to, but that's not surprising considering I'd been Miss Gaunt for 24 years, and in seconds it changed to Mrs Holmes! But if I have to give my name, it constantly reminds me that I married the man of my dreams and we share everything now (except ice cream - there are specific rules for that!)
- The rings. I am SO in love with my wedding ring - I didn't think I could love my engagement ring any more than I did, but once it is paired with my wedding ring, the combination is just stunning!! But on a deeper level, I do most things with my hands, which means I am constantly catching glimpses of my rings. Again, this serves as a reminder that I am married (it's sounding a lot like I have memory issues at this point!). It's the same whenever I catch sight of Anthony's ring too, it gives me a feeling that I can't describe, but it's something like happiness, gratitude, shock, overwhelming love, and it's just a rush of adrenaline. I love him, and seeing his ring and knowing that he's married to me is amazing.
- Security. Let me clarify right now, I never thought that Anthony would leave me. And by security, I don't mean that I've trapped him. I feel like there was always a deep insecurity in me, that I thought that one day Anthony would realise that he could do better, and would eventually leave me. But knowing that he has committed to marry me, he must feel the same way about me as I feel about him. Seeing his face at the end of the aisle left me with no doubt; he loves me, and I will never stop feeling incredibly lucky that I ended up with such a beautiful person.
- Knowing my future. This sounds like an odd one, because obviously no one knows their future. But I do know that whatever my future holds, Anthony will be there. I've always known that I wanted marriage and children, and for the last 7 years, Anthony has filled the vision of husband and father, but it's never been certain. But now it is; he is already my husband and we know that we want to start a family in the future. I cannot wait to grow as a wife with him, become a parent with him, and grow old with him.
- Anthony. Ok, this sounds like a super mushy one but hear me out. As much as I feel security, I'm sure he does too, which means he could easily have dropped his standards as it's a lot harder for me to break up with him now! But he continues to go above and beyond in our relationship; he's so caring, so fun, so loving and is still so perfect. Anthony is the only thing that runs through every single one of the reasons I enjoy being a wife. I love doing "wifely" things, but I don't do them because they're expected of me - Anthony doesn't expect anything from me as a wife other than love and partnership! But I love cooking him dinner, I love looking after him, and I love coming home from work knowing that I'm going to see my husband.
People ask me how married life is, and I tend to give them all the same answer. Literally nothing has changed in terms of our day to day life, but it feels so different (in a good way!). I keep waiting for this first year struggle that people talk about, but we're almost a quarter of the way through our first year as Mr and Mrs Holmes and I've not felt that yet; to be honest, I don't think we will! But even if we do, I have every faith in our ability to deal with it. He makes me the best version of myself and I'm so beyond happy.
Who knows what/when the next post will be but I'm sure there will be one, so bear with and it'll be here soon!
x
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