So how is married life?

Hey guys, it's been a while! I've wanted to write a blog post for ages but I just haven't had enough to write about to make an articulate post. But I've missed it, so decided to give it a go! This is going to be a bit of a reflection on whether married life meets my expectations, and what I consider marriage to be.

"So how is married life?" - this is probably the question I've had most since the wedding day, and please don't get me wrong - it is exactly the question that I would ask a newly married couple! This was also the question that I anticipated being asked the most, so it was something that concerned me as a fiancée - what if married life isn't good? How do I answer? What if all those people who told me I was too young to be married were right?

I've mentioned in several previous blogs about how much it annoyed me, being told that I was too young to be married. Insecurity is something that has plagued me for a long time, and as a fiancée I felt the happiest and most comfortable in my own skin that I had been for a long time. But something was still bothering me, and deep down I was concerned that I wasn't ready! I knew that marriage was everything that I had ever wanted, but something just felt off. In hindsight, I now realise that because so many people had told me I was too young, I felt like I didn't deserve to be a bride. I fully embraced the wedding planning and everything that myself and Anthony did as an engaged couple, but I didn't feel like a bride when I wasn't with Anthony. Wedding dress shopping, I felt like I was pretending; my hen-do's (yes plural! Again, I think it was part of the insecurity) were incredible, but I felt like it was just a really great night out, not a celebration for me. Even the morning of the wedding, it didn't feel real. It was only when I was stood in that church with Anthony, saying our vows, that I knew in my soul that this is what I should have done years ago. 

From that moment on, I felt like a wife and embraced every aspect of it. Yes, the terminology and the name change took some getting used to, but emotionally I felt so fulfilled. The last (almost) 9 months have been the best of my life, so when people ask me "how is married life?", why do I hesitate? I've given it some thought and listed the reasons below:

1. Insecurity. As mentioned previously, I don't feel like I deserve the life I have. I've been so incredibly lucky to have found Anthony, and to have found him so young! I thank my lucky stars every day, and have to pinch myself on a regular occurrence. When people ask how my life is, I have to stop and think, because my default answer is negative. 
2. Modesty. I feel like I'm bragging when I say how good married life is, and that makes me uncomfortable. Even saying this makes me uncomfortable, because I feel big-headed saying that I'm modest! It's a vicious circle, and it's just easier to downplay it and not make anyone uncomfortable. 
3. Life fluctuates. Most of the time, we are SO happy. We never argue, and we seem to strike a perfect balance of spending time together, and spending time apart. But we're not perfect! Some days, I'm a complete moody bitch. Some days, Anthony just wants space when I just want cuddles. Some days (most days!), at least one of us is hangry! Some days, we will simply do something that will piss the other one off. And if it is on a day like this that you get asked how married life is, it's really hard to answer. You know married life is good, but you have resentful feelings towards the other. But you don't want to tell anyone about this because you're the only person allowed to moan about them! It's like when you go to school as a kid and spend all day moaning about your sibling, but then when someone else says anything negative about them, you feel a fury rising. As pissed off as you are in that moment, you can't bring yourself to say anything negative about your marriage. But it certainly causes a delay in answering!
4. Expectations. Everyone tells you that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Everyone, without fail. So, I prepared for the worst! I'm no marriage expert, but at this point right now, let me express to anyone reading this that no one knows what your marriage will be like more than you do. I couldn't see Anthony and I falling apart, but I listened to everyone telling me how hard it is and I was scared. Really scared. So I prepared to do everything and anything I could to save our marriage. How ridiculous that I was stressing about all this before our marriage even started! 

I firmly believe that marriage is what you make of it, and will also be influenced by what you've been through as a couple prior to your wedding. Anthony and I did 3 years long distance, which is enough in itself to test any relationship. We were at breaking point when we moved in together, and he was working 14 hour days while I was unemployed. We then struggled again while I was desperately unhappy in my job at the theatre. There have been mental health battles, physical battles, and finding time for each other has always been a constant battle, which is thankfully getting easier! But we've got through so much together. This year has been a relatively uneventful one which obviously helps, but marriage hasn't been hard at all! It's actually been one of the easiest years of our lives! 

So, to answer the question; married life is AMAZING! It's been so incredible, and I feel like it's completed a part of me that I didn't even know I was missing. I was right all along; I was SO ready to be married. To people reading, don't let other people influence your feelings. You know deep down what you want and need, and go with that. I regret not embracing being a bride, because I will never get that experience again. But I LOVE being a wife! Not much in our life has changed since being married, but it feels so different. I've said it before, but it's almost 9 months in and I still look forward to coming home to see my husband. He is the best person in the world, and he has always completed me, but now that we are officially a family and we share a name, I truly feel like myself. 

To conclude; I'm the happiest I've ever been, married life is incredible, and don't let other people's expectations confirm your life before you've given yourself the chance. And I'm going to make a conscious effort to answer the "how is married life?" question much quicker and much more honestly! 

Much love! 

x

No longer a Bride...

Hello! Before I go any further, I want to document on this blog series the most exciting event since my last post - my cousin Amy (maid of honour, best friend etc.) had her baby! And Baby Grace is the most precious little gem, she is absolutely perfect and I am so in love with her. And so proud of Amy! I'm sure anyone who has seen me in person in the last week will be well aware of this as she's all I've talked about, but she is so important to me and I am already counting down the days until I can go back for a cuddle!

Anyway, got a bit side-tracked (but isn't she beautiful!!). It's been almost three months since we got married and it's given me time to settle in to married life and reflect on the differences/similarities between my life now and my life before we got married. Particularly focusing on the time we were engaged. I feel like I never really fully appreciated being a bride; I think that's one of the things about getting married so young, it doesn't feel real. Maybe that's a generic thing, but I think for me, age was one of the things that held me back, particularly as people always seemed to think it was appropriate to tell me I was too young to get married! (Even people I'd never spoken to before!). I've never had any doubts about getting married at the time we did; I don't think age matters, it's more about the time you've spent together and emotional maturity. We were 100% ready to get married when we did and I wouldn't have changed it for a thing. 

So on with the post; I'm going to list the things that I miss most about being a bride, and then the things that I love the most about being married. So, bridal things that I miss...

1. Dress fittings. I LOVED all my dress fittings! I almost drive past my dress shop on my way to work, and every time, I want to make the turn into the road!  The wedding dress shopping experience in The Wedding Gallery was amazing, as was the bridesmaid dress shopping and I just absolutely loved it there! And it only very recently hit me that I will never go wedding dress shopping for myself again, and I actually found that really upsetting. It's so superficial but putting those dresses on - even with it feeling super surreal! - was so much fun and made me feel so good. And even though the occasions to wear nice dresses will keep coming (other people's weddings, Christenings, parties etc.), I will never ever wear such a special dress again. Anthony will definitely come home one day and catch me just chilling on the sofa in my dress, drinking gin. I'm not even ashamed haha. 
2. The countdown. As stressful and upsetting as the countdown could be, it was so nice being able to get so excited about the day getting closer. We've currently got a countdown going for our honeymoon (22 days!) but after that, we don't have many fixed events coming up. Please don't think I'm not excited for our future because I definitely am! We've got some really exciting plans coming up, but as they don't have a fixed date, there is no countdown and I find it harder to throw myself into the excitement and the planning. And on that note...
3. The planning! I LOVED planning the wedding! And I loved how much of a partnership we were; it's such a common thing for the groom to take a backseat but Anthony was so involved in it! It was such a special experience planning together, and I do genuinely miss it. I considered it as a career move, but currently we're too close to our wedding and I'm still bathing in the glow from that, so can't be dealing with the stress of planning a strangers wedding right now. 
4. The venue. I mean, I think I've spoken enough about this throughout the blog posts. Milton Hill House, amazing, the end. I can't wait to go back for any occasion!
5.  The word fiancé! Again, as part of the whole experience not feeling real, I didn't call Anthony my fiancé nearly enough. It was the same when we first got together - I think it took about a year before I stopped describing him as my "friend" and started saying "boyfriend!" So I have not made that mistake again, I am name-dropping "husband" left, right and centre. But husband makes us sound so old! Haha, fiancé is much more young and fun and I wish I'd owned that more. 

So that all seems doom and gloom, but I promise it's not all negatives! Here's the things that I love most about being a wife:

1. My name. Whenever I write/say my full name now, I feel so proud. It took a while to adjust to, but that's not surprising considering I'd been Miss Gaunt for 24 years, and in seconds it changed to Mrs Holmes! But if I have to give my name, it constantly reminds me that I married the man of my dreams and we share everything now (except ice cream - there are specific rules for that!) 
2. The rings. I am SO in love with my wedding ring - I didn't think I could love my engagement ring any more than I did, but once it is paired with my wedding ring, the combination is just stunning!! But on a deeper level, I do most things with my hands, which means I am constantly catching glimpses of my rings. Again, this serves as a reminder that I am married (it's sounding a lot like I have memory issues at this point!). It's the same whenever I catch sight of Anthony's ring too, it gives me a feeling that I can't describe, but it's something like happiness, gratitude, shock, overwhelming love, and it's just a rush of adrenaline. I love him, and seeing his ring and knowing that he's married to me is amazing. 
   
3. Security. Let me clarify right now, I never thought that Anthony would leave me. And by security, I don't mean that I've trapped him. I feel like there was always a deep insecurity in me, that I thought that one day Anthony would realise that he could do better, and would eventually leave me. But knowing that he has committed to marry me, he must feel the same way about me as I feel about him. Seeing his face at the end of the aisle left me with no doubt; he loves me, and I will never stop feeling incredibly lucky that I ended up with such a beautiful person. 
4. Knowing my future. This sounds like an odd one, because obviously no one knows their future. But I do know that whatever my future holds, Anthony will be there. I've always known that I wanted marriage and children, and for the last 7 years, Anthony has filled the vision of husband and father, but it's never been certain. But now it is; he is already my husband and we know that we want to start a family in the future. I cannot wait to grow as a wife with him, become a parent with him, and grow old with him. 
5. Anthony. Ok, this sounds like a super mushy one but hear me out. As much as I feel security, I'm sure he does too, which means he could easily have dropped his standards as it's a lot harder for me to break up with him now! But he continues to go above and beyond in our relationship; he's so caring, so fun, so loving and is still so perfect. Anthony is the only thing that runs through every single one of the reasons I enjoy being a wife. I love doing "wifely" things, but I don't do them because they're expected of me - Anthony doesn't expect anything from me as a wife other than love and partnership! But I love cooking him dinner, I love looking after him, and I love coming home from work knowing that I'm going to see my husband. 

People ask me how married life is, and I tend to give them all the same answer. Literally nothing has changed in terms of our day to day life, but it feels so different (in a good way!). I keep waiting for this first year struggle that people talk about, but we're almost a quarter of the way through our first year as Mr and Mrs Holmes and I've not felt that yet; to be honest, I don't think we will! But even if we do, I have every faith in our ability to deal with it. He makes me the best version of myself and I'm so beyond happy. 

Who knows what/when the next post will be but I'm sure there will be one, so bear with and it'll be here soon!

x

Two Months Married! Life Update and Vendor Information

When people say that time goes quickly once you're married, they're not lying. I can't believe it's been two months already! It's been a while since I wrote a blog post, so thought that I would put an update out there. I also realised that there isn't anywhere that I have specifically mentioned vendors, so thought that I'd also include that in this blog.

So how is life as a two-month wife? Pretty good is the answer! We've been waiting for this struggle that everyone talks about happening - that "the first year is the hardest" thing, but it just hasn't happened. Of course we've had moments - whether it be exhaustion, work stress, PMS, there have been moments where we've snapped at each other, but we did that occasionally before we were married! But we're definitely both feeling the overwhelming love; whenever people ask how married life is, I tell them that in actuality, nothing has changed, but it feels so different! In a good way, I just feel so much more positive all the time and almost anything will remind me of Anthony. Giddy is probably the word I'd use! 

In terms of life, it's pretty much same old. Both still working full time, both busy outside of work too; Anthony has thrown himself into projects for our flat, and I'm just waiting for my cousin's baby to arrive and then I'm planning to spend any and all free time I have with her - I can't wait to meet little one and watch Amy flourish as a mum! (Good luck Amy, you'll be so sick of me!). We've also pretty much booked our honeymoon but still planning what we're going to do when we're there, how we're getting to and from the airport etc. We're both very excited - only 39 days to go now! 

We've surprisingly not actually had that many questions about when we're planning to have babies! Which is very uncommon for a newlywed couple; I think it must be partly because we're still so young. But to address any queries, we are planning a family, but in the future! We're planning to live relatively selfishly as a couple over the next few years - we want to buy a house, go back to Florida, and spend some time focused on each other; we don't currently have the space, money or time for a baby. But we're so excited for baby Addison to arrive; I'm hoping that little one will satisfy the broodiness in me, but it may well go the other way! 

I don't feel that there is much else to say about married life currently - as I said earlier, nothing has changed but it feels different. We're both loving it and are very happy! So for the rest of this blog, I've decided to make a list of the vendors that we used for the wedding, some of which I've already spoken about but others that I haven't and they deserve some recognition. So without further ado, the list is below:

VENUE - I know I've talked about our venue a lot in other blogs, so I'll keep this brief. It was Milton Hill House, a beautiful hotel on the edge of Didcot (Anthony's hometown). It was only 10 minutes from our church, and was absolutely perfect. I've also spoken a lot about Fiona, who again, was phenomenal. I cannot recommend Milton Hill highly enough, and would not hesitate to book another event there. 

DRESS - my dress and the bridesmaid dresses came from The Wedding Gallery in St Albans. That shop has so many beautiful dresses, but the service was better than anything I've experienced. A lot of people don't consider how invasive it can feel when you get into a changing room with a stranger, have to strip down to your underwear and squeeze into dresses. I was so conscious of if I got even slightly sweaty, or if any fat rolls were on show, and I know that the dressers didn't care, but I did! But Alice was different to the other shops - she left me fully clothed in the changing room with the dress, and only came in to help me into it if I asked her to. She was very respectful about my insecurities, picking dresses that she thought would make me most comfortable. She was also very complimentary, but also very honest! And on top of all of that, she was very professional whilst we were trying to pick bridesmaid dresses; we'd told her that Amy was trying for a baby so would hopefully be pregnant when we bought the bridesmaid dresses, and she didn't assume either way when we went back (Amy was pregnant but not obviously showing). She was also very respectful of Amy's concerns with a maternity dress while she was still in very early stages of pregnancy, which is obviously a worrisome time. Overall, she was just lovely and I'm very glad that she was a part of my wedding story. And obviously my dress is lovely too! 

SUITS - Anthony's and the groomsmen's suits were all from Moss Bros. Obviously I wasn't there for many of the fittings they had, but I was there when Anthony got his shoes and shirts, and the service was amazing! I also know that they were very accommodating with the fact that some party members wanted to hire and some wanted to buy, so they found perfect matches for both. They all looked so smart and so handsome, and it was worth every penny we spent there! 

PHOTOGRAPHER - this one is a tricky one. Julia Evans Photography was the vendor that we hired, and we paid for both photographers (they are a husband and wife team). However, we never met Julia, and we were told 4 days before the wedding that she wouldn't be there and someone else would be stepping in (apparently she'd had Carpel Tunnel issues since Christmas, but for some reason they couldn't tell us before early Feb... equally when I called them and Julia answered, she didn't seem to know she was meant to be there on our day. I definitely think they double booked) . They were almost impossible to get hold of (there are still four emails that haven't been responded to), and they actually made the period before and after the wedding far more stressful than it needed to be. I will happily admit that our photos are beautiful, but I would definitely advise against booking them. However, Carol Elizabeth Photography (the woman who stepped in) was amazing!

FLOWERS - our florist was Bloomin Chic, a small independent boutique on Iffley Road in Oxford. Though they weren't always amazing at responding to emails, they were always very apologetic and explained what the delay was caused by. And the flowers on the day were just phenomenal - so much better than I ever could have imagined; they even incorporated the hidden Mickey that I asked for! I wasn't really bothered by flowers at all when we started planning the wedding, but they ended up being one of my highlights of the day! 

CAKE - our cake was made by my super talented mother-in-law. She went so above and beyond, and made us a full trial cake prior to the wedding too (I think the happiest person about that was father-in-law, who must have been eating cake for every meal for a week!). The cake on the day looked incredible, tasted incredible and even though she made the equivalent of two full three-tiered wedding cakes (an extra one for the evening as we cut and served the proper one in the drinks reception), it was still all eaten! And if anyone wants any lemon, raspberry or chocolate icing, there is a tonne of each in Kate's freezer so let me know! 

TRANSPORT - we initially booked a 1966 London Routemaster double-decker bus and a 1978 London Taxi FX4 from Nostalgia Travel. They were really good at dealing with our enquiries and we booked very quickly. Unfortunately, 4 days before the wedding (same day as the photographer debarcle!), we got a call from them to say that due to the extreme weather conditions (lots of snow!), the taxi was not safe to drive on our wedding day. They were so apologetic and accommodating, offering us a 1955 Bentley R Type instead (almost double the cost!) or a full refund if that was unsuitable. The Bentley was lovely, but we desperately wanted a London Taxi! I had sent a crisis message to my Bridal Party WhatsApp group who were all incredible and jumped right onto the case, and in the end my mum managed to find a London Taxi from London Oxford Taxis. They were amazing; considering that we booked them with 4 days notice, they knocked off the travel charge and went out of their way to get ivory ribbons rather than white! They could clearly sense a bride-in-distress and went out of their way to help us. 

DJ - we booked Visually Sound Events as our DJ as he was recommended by the venue, but this was not what sold us in the end. I'd made it clear from my first enquiry that I wasn't sure that we even wanted a DJ, and he didn't put any pressure on at all. When we finally decided to get a DJ, I told him he was slightly out of my price range and he instantly knocked off a load of money! He also asked for a list of do-plays and don't-plays, but quite frankly, we didn't need to give any. The music that he played was phenomenal - the dance floor was full literally all night! I'd book him again in a heartbeat. 

RINGS - we got our rings (including my engagement ring) from Newey's, a store in Birmingham's jewellery quarter. Everything about it was amazing, and I would say that it's one of the only parts of the wedding hype that hasn't died down; every time I catch sight of my rings I can't help but stare at them! 

HAIR AND MAKE-UP - my incredibly talented sister, Melissa Hair and Make-Up did all the beauty stuff for me, the Bridesmaids and my Mum. Obviously I'm biased, but she genuinely was amazing. Before the day, she let me run with my ideas and told me which ones she didn't think would work, she then adapted them to create the perfect look for me! She also kept me calm all morning, she tweaked any parts of my look that I didn't like, and was just perfect! 

STATIONARY - we did all of the stationary things ourselves! Apart from thank you cards, they were from Optimal Prints. But we designed and printed our own save the dates, made our own invitations and did our own Tasting Guides for our favours (which we also made ourselves)! As much as I would definitely recommend making your own stuff where you can, it's worth considering the time it takes - it was so time consuming! 

That's all I've got for now, but I've also decided to upload some of the wedding pictures to an album on my facebook page; there are so many beautiful pictures of people in the drinks reception/evening/any time of the day! It seems a shame that they're sat on my laptop but no one has seen them. So watch this space! 

I don't know what the next post will be about, but I'm sure there will be one at some point! 

Wedding Day with Photos

Hi all! We finally have our photos! So it's only fair that I throw a few into a blog post to document our amazing day. So this post will be a run through of our day, with photos.

 Apologies if the formatting is odd, I put this together on my laptop and it never seems to look very good on phones!

So the morning of the wedding, I woke up feeling very restless; it was only 7am and I'd had about 3 hours of broken sleep. I knew Mel was up in the room next door as she had to get her hair done super early so that she had time to get us all ready. I went through to sit with her, and I was out of sorts but it was still a nice atmosphere in there. 

Mel did Amy's hair and make up, and then Mum's. While she was finishing up with Mum, Carol (one of our photographers) arrived, and started getting some beautiful detailed shots of my perfume, my jewellery, my shoes etc. My flowers also arrived, and my bouquet was so beyond beautiful, so much nicer than I could ever have imagined!

Then it was my turn to get ready. Mel worked her magic and turned me from a Plain Jane to someone who looked really quite nice. 

Then before we knew it, time disappeared and it was a mad rush to get ready. Dresses were thrown around the room, corsages and buttonholes were breaking left right and centre, jewellery was almost forgotten. But somehow miraculously, we were all suited and booted and ready to go on time. 

One of my favourite photos from my cousin's wedding was of her Dad's reaction to seeing her for the first time, and I was desperate to get our version of that photo too. And it turned out perfectly!

While all this was going on, my super handsome fiancé was at the church, making sure everything was ok and getting ready to welcome our guests. 

As I mentioned earlier, all morning I was a bag of nerves. I couldn't properly relax and enjoy the morning because I couldn't stop going over the ceremony in my head, I was convinced I was going to mess up! But the second we arrived at the church, my nerves just fell away. I knew that Anthony was mere metres away, and I just wanted to see him and be with him. I couldn't wait to become his wife, I was basically running into the church!

I was crying as I walked down the aisle, and though I had all these visions of me glowing and tears just rolling down my smiling face, it turns out that I fully ugly-cried! But I honestly didn't care, I was just so happy to be with my almost-husband. I was beaming throughout the entire ceremony, just radiating happiness. I love every photo we have of the ceremony (and we have about 100!) so here are a few snippets.

Next was our drinks reception. Our cake was proudly on display, that my amazing mother-in-law made, and people socialised while we had our photos taken.

After our photos (which were beautiful but freezing! Cue one of my favourite photos ever where mum starts telling the photographer off for letting me be so cold!), we went into our drinks reception, did some mingling, cut our cake and went through to have dinner. 

Then, it was time for speeches. All three speeches were perfect, so well thought-out and delivered amazingly. I love the photo where Dave has just stood up to give his best man speech and both of us hang our heads in anticipation! And the pure rage when he mentions the driving test...

After dinner, the real fun began. We had our first game of Twister as husband and wife, we had some outdoor photos, and unbeknown to me, Anthony's work colleagues were transforming our evening area into a haven of our mutual loves. It was such an incredible surprise, and I was so unbelievably happy with the atmosphere it created! Anthony got so emotional, I think a mixture of relief, happiness, love, it just overwhelmed him! 

All that was left to do was have our first dance, and then party the night away!

That's all for now, I hope you enjoyed this post! I will be putting more photos up every so often so this is not your only look into our day, but hopefully it has satisfied the needs of the people who wanted to see more.

See you soon!

X