"So how is married life?" - this is probably the question I've had most since the wedding day, and please don't get me wrong - it is exactly the question that I would ask a newly married couple! This was also the question that I anticipated being asked the most, so it was something that concerned me as a fiancée - what if married life isn't good? How do I answer? What if all those people who told me I was too young to be married were right?
I've mentioned in several previous blogs about how much it annoyed me, being told that I was too young to be married. Insecurity is something that has plagued me for a long time, and as a fiancée I felt the happiest and most comfortable in my own skin that I had been for a long time. But something was still bothering me, and deep down I was concerned that I wasn't ready! I knew that marriage was everything that I had ever wanted, but something just felt off. In hindsight, I now realise that because so many people had told me I was too young, I felt like I didn't deserve to be a bride. I fully embraced the wedding planning and everything that myself and Anthony did as an engaged couple, but I didn't feel like a bride when I wasn't with Anthony. Wedding dress shopping, I felt like I was pretending; my hen-do's (yes plural! Again, I think it was part of the insecurity) were incredible, but I felt like it was just a really great night out, not a celebration for me. Even the morning of the wedding, it didn't feel real. It was only when I was stood in that church with Anthony, saying our vows, that I knew in my soul that this is what I should have done years ago.
From that moment on, I felt like a wife and embraced every aspect of it. Yes, the terminology and the name change took some getting used to, but emotionally I felt so fulfilled. The last (almost) 9 months have been the best of my life, so when people ask me "how is married life?", why do I hesitate? I've given it some thought and listed the reasons below:
- Insecurity. As mentioned previously, I don't feel like I deserve the life I have. I've been so incredibly lucky to have found Anthony, and to have found him so young! I thank my lucky stars every day, and have to pinch myself on a regular occurrence. When people ask how my life is, I have to stop and think, because my default answer is negative.
- Modesty. I feel like I'm bragging when I say how good married life is, and that makes me uncomfortable. Even saying this makes me uncomfortable, because I feel big-headed saying that I'm modest! It's a vicious circle, and it's just easier to downplay it and not make anyone uncomfortable.
- Life fluctuates. Most of the time, we are SO happy. We never argue, and we seem to strike a perfect balance of spending time together, and spending time apart. But we're not perfect! Some days, I'm a complete moody bitch. Some days, Anthony just wants space when I just want cuddles. Some days (most days!), at least one of us is hangry! Some days, we will simply do something that will piss the other one off. And if it is on a day like this that you get asked how married life is, it's really hard to answer. You know married life is good, but you have resentful feelings towards the other. But you don't want to tell anyone about this because you're the only person allowed to moan about them! It's like when you go to school as a kid and spend all day moaning about your sibling, but then when someone else says anything negative about them, you feel a fury rising. As pissed off as you are in that moment, you can't bring yourself to say anything negative about your marriage. But it certainly causes a delay in answering!
- Expectations. Everyone tells you that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Everyone, without fail. So, I prepared for the worst! I'm no marriage expert, but at this point right now, let me express to anyone reading this that no one knows what your marriage will be like more than you do. I couldn't see Anthony and I falling apart, but I listened to everyone telling me how hard it is and I was scared. Really scared. So I prepared to do everything and anything I could to save our marriage. How ridiculous that I was stressing about all this before our marriage even started!
I firmly believe that marriage is what you make of it, and will also be influenced by what you've been through as a couple prior to your wedding. Anthony and I did 3 years long distance, which is enough in itself to test any relationship. We were at breaking point when we moved in together, and he was working 14 hour days while I was unemployed. We then struggled again while I was desperately unhappy in my job at the theatre. There have been mental health battles, physical battles, and finding time for each other has always been a constant battle, which is thankfully getting easier! But we've got through so much together. This year has been a relatively uneventful one which obviously helps, but marriage hasn't been hard at all! It's actually been one of the easiest years of our lives!
So, to answer the question; married life is AMAZING! It's been so incredible, and I feel like it's completed a part of me that I didn't even know I was missing. I was right all along; I was SO ready to be married. To people reading, don't let other people influence your feelings. You know deep down what you want and need, and go with that. I regret not embracing being a bride, because I will never get that experience again. But I LOVE being a wife! Not much in our life has changed since being married, but it feels so different. I've said it before, but it's almost 9 months in and I still look forward to coming home to see my husband. He is the best person in the world, and he has always completed me, but now that we are officially a family and we share a name, I truly feel like myself.
To conclude; I'm the happiest I've ever been, married life is incredible, and don't let other people's expectations confirm your life before you've given yourself the chance. And I'm going to make a conscious effort to answer the "how is married life?" question much quicker and much more honestly!
Much love!
x
